Friday, April 6, 2012

Facebook Rules

And I don't mean that in a "Facebook rules, man!" sort of way. I mean it in a "We need to institute some rules up in hee-uh!" way.

I like rules. Rules are what prevent society from disintegrating into mass chaos. Rules are the friends of Type-A personalities everywhere. Rules... well, they rule! If I were the Queen of Facebook (which, privately, I tend to consider myself), here are the basic rules I'd institute:
  1. Don't post anything you wouldn't want your mother (or your pastor) to read. And don't sabotage others' efforts to follow this rule by hijacking their posts with profane or inappropriate comments. I have to admit, I break this rule often and only realize it after it's too late, and I've caused myself much embarrassment. But that's how we learn, right? Repeatedly. Also, this is an admittedly difficult rule to follow if you make it a habit to break Rule #2.
  2. Don't post on Facebook if you have a blood alcohol content higher than 0.005. That's right... even lower than the legal limit. Because posting drunk on Facebook can be more dangerous than operating a motor vehicle.
  3. No naked profile pics. This shouldn't even have to be rule, but... alas. I guess Rule #1 isn't clear enough, and the violation of Rule #2 plays a big part in the breaking of this rule.
  4. You're only allowed to be holier-than-thou about one thing. Choose wisely. If you want to preach at people about what they should and shouldn't eat, great. But then you're not allowed to dispense parenting advice. You wanna deride people for being lazy slobs who only sit around on Facebook all day, fine (although, ironic, considering...). But then you're not allowed to gripe about how you perceive the American education system to be going down the tubes. This is a very important rule, as it prevents many tragic injuries resulting from repeated eye-rolling. 
  5. No broadcasting the problems of others not on Facebook, under the guise of garnering support for them. C'mon. You know it's just high-tech gossiping, so cut it out.
  6. Proofread your posts. Five extra seconds of your precious time could prevent the rest of the world (or at least your Facebook friends) from thinking that you never made it past the second grade. Don't you think it's worth it? Don't let auto-correct win. (But DO share your auto-correct boo-boos, because they are HI-larious.)
That's a starter list. But since this is a benevolent monarchy, feel free to submit your suggestions for more rules below. I have final approval, of course, but... that's only because as a result of Rule #4, I have chosen to be holier-than-thou about the behavior of others (not myself) on Facebook.

In addition to this slapdash blog, I have written and published three novels, which are available at http://www.amazon.com/author/breabrown. I also sort of maintain a Facebook page. I am currently working on my third novel in my Secret Keeper series, which most readers have enjoyed (gotta be honest, not ALL have enjoyed, and the ones who haven't think it's very important that everyone knows they haven't). The third book will be ready when I'm finished writing it and obsessively proofreading and editing and rewriting. In other words, it may be a while. I don't know what else to tell you. Creep around on Facebook in the meantime.

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